Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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