I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
