She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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