I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Randomize
