My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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