Whod you bang
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
