Just fell off a train. Bad.
what day is it and did you see me today?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
