Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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