I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
being pregnant is like rehab
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
