I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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