ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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