ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
