i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Quick, to the slutcave!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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