you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize