I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
