genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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