i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize