Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
