I seem to have left my pride at pride
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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