The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize