I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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