just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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