So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize