Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dear god my vagina.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
