i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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