It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
