turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
