i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
