you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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