The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize
