remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
