he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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