What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
