i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
