There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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