Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize