happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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