I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
