I wish I could punch you in the face.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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