i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
