"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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