do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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