just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
