apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She told me I should be a condom model.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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