i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
