Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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