She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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