I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
