Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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