I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
