big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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