you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
