so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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