I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
