That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
