im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize