her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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