it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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