After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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