sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
