Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.