The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.