jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
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Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.