My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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