Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had. http://tfl.nu/ag2c
  Replies (98) Good night (2332) Bad night (23135)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century. http://tfl.nu/yuyb
  Replies (14) Good night (4129) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9676) Bad night (1128)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building http://tfl.nu/qsqb
  Replies (15) Good night (8359) Bad night (1074)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast http://tfl.nu/g6rv
  Replies (15) Good night (1927) Bad night (4463)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): 3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight http://tfl.nu/lsa5
  Replies (3) Good night (2527) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings. http://tfl.nu/mygm
  Replies (6) Good night (1756) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright. http://tfl.nu/jxj8
  Replies (7) Good night (2892) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards http://tfl.nu/auk4
  Replies (10) Good night (1544) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous. http://tfl.nu/druq
  Replies (3) Good night (1472) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang http://tfl.nu/srl1
  Replies (0) Good night (810) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this. http://tfl.nu/abfh
  Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny" http://tfl.nu/qm08
  Replies (2) Good night (476) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames. http://tfl.nu/kido
  Replies (9) Good night (859) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost. http://tfl.nu/j0b1
  Replies (0) Good night (753) Bad night (185)

Randomize