I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
COCAINE IS GR8
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
